Manly men gay

Dear Advice Goddess: I'm a year-old masculine gay man. I've had relationships with masculine gay men, but I'm often attracted to masculine straight men. I'm not looking to "turn" them, and I'm ready for a relationship, so I'm concerned that I'm so frequently attracted to men who won't be interested in me. What is this about?

Do I need therapy?

The Two Boxers

Dear Worried Gay Guy: Like you, I happen to like men who look like their hobbies are chopping down trees and going to war with foreign powers. Luckily for me, the sort of people I am attracted manly did not require me to come out to my parents, nor are my preferences considered reason for suspicion that I might be a men heterosexual.

As for you, because of the ugly views and behaviors toward gays, sure, it's possible that your being attracted to straight men is some sort of internalized version of those camps for "praying away the gay. But if you were really so self-loathing and in denial about being gay, wouldn't you just be sneaking glances at all the manly men on your way to marrying a woman and buying a house with a lot of closet space?

Your being a manly man who's into boyfriends who wield power tools not intended for hairstyling might be explained by research on "assortative mating. In the gay world, psychologist J. Michael Bailey's research finds that masculine gay men tend to prefer masculine partners.

Increased similarity between partners is associated with happier, longer-lasting relationships. This makes sense, considering that more similarity means more compatibility — from shared beliefs gay shared interests and activities. So it's good news you're eyeing the manlier men, even if many are ultimately "for display purposes only.

Of course, it is possible that you're telling yourself you want a relationship but picking people totally unavailable for one. If that isn't the case, why worry that your ideal relationship is basically a nature preserve for chest hair and testosterone? Just accept that it might take a little more effort to find that boyfriend.

Dear Advice Goddess: I went through a crazy party girl period in my 20s. My boyfriend recently asked me how many men I'd slept with before him. I told him, and he freaked out at the number — despite his manly his own wild past. Now I wish I hadn't been honest. What should I have said instead? Dear Glum: There is a sexual double standard, though gay doesn't come from men wanting to keep women's sex drives in park which wouldn't exactly serve their interest.

Men telling, however, are sex differences in jealousy — specifically, jealousy over infidelity. Evolutionary psychologist David Buss finds that men across cultures are most distressed by sexual infidelity — the sex acts themselves. Though women aren't exactly "yeah, whatevs" about their partner's doing the nudie tootie with another woman, women are substantially more distressed by his being emotionally gaga about someone else.

A woman's first question is inevitably: "But do you luvvvv her?! These differences in freakouts dovetail with men's and women's differing evolutionary concerns.